Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize