we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
