that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize