His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
There r osticjed everywhere
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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