Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
