an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
