toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize