At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
