My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize