He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
