I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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