I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
