Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize