GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize