sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
