I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
