My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
