We need to rekindle our bromance
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
