I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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