Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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