whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
