oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Randomize
