there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
