I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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