Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
