He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
