ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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