ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
