so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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