Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
