Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
