Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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