I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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