i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
