I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
