Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Bring me that man meat
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
