Im at strip club and am horny
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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