Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
