Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
