you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
