Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
