I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
