i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize
