Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
