Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
