Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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