i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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