Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
you had me at cake vodka
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
