This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
