The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
