you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
