Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
