Only a mothe r could love this liver
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
