Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
