It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
