Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it was like having sex with a tree stump
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize