Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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