Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
