you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
