He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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