Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Randomize
