My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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