I love black thongs
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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