Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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