Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
