Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
ttyl tear gas
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
