Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize