I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
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