I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
