My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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