i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
