I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
