I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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