Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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