If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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