I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
