And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
