OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
