HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
