What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
