i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
