she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
