Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
