I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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