his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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