I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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