Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
