Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Less talking, more tequila
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
