Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize