she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
