Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Boobs are out for the taking
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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