Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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