i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
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