THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Randomize
