so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
