So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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