Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Don't EVER smell your tampon
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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