At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
