Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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