we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
