Just mADE A PArabola og urine
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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