You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
