Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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